The following is a written transcript of my latest video titled “Why Vegans Annoy Me (Even Though I’m “Vegan”), which can be seen on my YouTube channel Freshtastical here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nE12N_xRDpw
NOTE: The script I wrote for my video was only meant to be watched, not read in written form and parts of it won’t make full sense in writing without the visuals, acting, and skits. I am just posting this here to add to my written archive of my videos.
Why Vegans Annoy Me (Even Though I’m “Vegan”)
by Spencer Cathcart
The title of this video is the first and last time you’re ever going to hear me refer to myself “vegan”.
Now I don’t consume animal products, which is the dictionary definition of the word “vegan”. So why don’t I call myself as vegan? Well today when you say you’re vegan it doesn’t just mean you don’t eat meat, dairy, and eggs…it also means you’re instantly labeled with the characteristics of every annoying vegan ever. And I get it, because it seems the only vegans you see everywhere are super preachy and act like they’re in a cult.
In reality though, the majority of people that are vegan aren’t annoying. But because they don’t go telling everyone they’re #vegan the result is the only vegans everyone hears are the annoying vocal minority. And this vocal minority of vegans aren’t just annoying, but I believe they’re actually the biggest harm to their own cause.
So who are these annoying vegans? Well the easiest way to spot one is by the annoying catch phrase it seems everyannoying vegan is programmed with: “Go Vegan”. Every time I see someone post “Go Vegan” it comes across like they’re trying to get their 10% commission their cult pays them for each vegan conversion.
You’d think anyone with any basic empathy for other people would realize telling others to “Go” do something is just going to piss them off. And vegans of all people should know about empathy. Because if these vegans can see life from the perspective of an ant crawling down someone’s buttcrack. Then why are they unable to see life from the perspective of the person who’s buttcrack the ant is crawling in? There’s a crack in that logic.
Telling people to “Go Vegan” is about as effective as trying to make average Americans become Nazi’s by saying “Go Nazi”. The second you say the word in both cases people will immediately have a negative reaction, assume who you are, and refuse to listen. Now I’m in no way comparing vegans and Nazis, but the point is when people have a strong negative connotation to the word that defines your message…then why the hell would you try to use that word to change people?
And these vegans throw the word “vegan” around everywhere, on every social media post, on their clothes. Clinging to the word “vegan” like it’s some kind of real life Twitter verification badge. They may think when they make a post about being vegan and get 12 likes that they are changing the world. But what they don’t see are the 284 people who scrolled past thinking, “Vegans are so fucking annoying”
(SKIT: Man on computer reading a vegan comment on social media. The man says, “Vegans are so fucking annoying. I’m going to eat some meat later just to retaliate.”)
All these vegans are doing is preaching to the choir. If you want someone to do something that goes against everything they’ve been taught their whole life, no shitty slogan is going to do anything.
(SKIT: Man hanging out when he notices a “Meat is Murder” sign and is devastated. He says “Wow I’m shook”.)
However the worst vegans are not on the Internet, but the ones who go around protesting in ridiculous ways such as chanting in a grocery stores or covering themselves in fake blood. It doesn’t make people empathize with your cause, it just makes everyone cringe and think vegans are a bunch of crazy overly emotional people. And nothing makes it easier to dismiss an issue than when the people behind it seem crazy. It just reinforces in their mind that they are sane and you’re not. And in a world where it’s normal to eat animals, the idea some don’t already seems crazy enough to most people.
But the reason why these vegan activists are convinced they’re helping is because just by pure numbers if you preach anything to enough people you will eventually convince a few people. It would be like if I started preaching with a bunch of other Spencer’s all the benefits of naming your kid “Spencer” so #GOSPENCER. It doesn’t matter how annoying we are, if we keep talking to enough people sooner or later a few parents will be convinced. As a result us Spencer activists will feel like “Hey if we keep going soon the whole world might go Spencer”. But what we wouldn’t see are the thousands who might have previously considered calling their kid “Spencer” but now that they associate the name with us annoying Spencer activists there’s no way, even though the majority of Spencer’s aren’t annoying. And that’s what’s happening with these annoying vegans. So when they change a few people and think they’re making a difference, they’re not technically wrong. It’s just the real difference they’re actually making is pushing thousands away from even considering the reasons people don’t eat animal products.
And this stigma annoying vegans have created about vegans not only prevents people from considering their point, but it has people who even agree with their points and people who don’t even consume animal products not wanting to call themselves “vegan”.
Another thing annoying vegans do that really pisses me off is they often freak out over the smallest issues, a lot of which aren’t even issues at all. You know, like imagine that vegan at a party when “Who Let The Dogs Out” starts playing and they say something like, “Why are we asking who let the dogs out? That implies dogs are ours to let out and possess. Dogs are sentient creatures capable of letting themselves out you know.
PETA is a perfect example of this. A lot of what they get mad at is so ridiculous they’ve now become a living parody of themselves. PETA is pretty much the boy who cried wolf, except on the off chance it’s a wolf it’s always dead.
You know, I bet if a lot of these annoying vegans realized how condescending they are and got off their high horse, they’d just shame themselves for riding a horse metaphorically.
When I see vegans freaking out over every little thing it makes me imagine a giant leaky roof and these vegans are the ones going around trying to plug every small hole in the roof with their fingers, feeling all heroic. But they’re just ignoring the real problem, which is the shitty design of the roof causing all the fucking holes. You can plug holes all you want, but until you build a new roof all the holes will keep coming. Sure you may stop a few drops, which will make you feel helpful. However in reality not only is that not helping, but by sticking your fingers in every hole you’re actually just widening the holes and letting in more drops than they prevent.
And that’s exactly what these vegans are doing. They’re focusing on the smaller issues while ignoring the real problem that causes them. Plus when you’re always freaking out over every little thing, people just get annoyed and tune you and the issue out completely. So if instead of trying to plug every small hole, you’d actually be more helpful if you just plugged the hole in your face.
Ultimately all you accomplish is putting your mind at ease by making yourself feel helpful, which is just selfish. Almost as selfish as the vegans who force their cat to go vegan and risk killing it when no one is forcing them to live with an animal that’s a carnivore.
Sometimes I swear it feels like some vegans are only vegans because they just get off on being part of an exclusive club. Must be why they’re always trying to change the definition of vegan to exclude as many people as possible.
(SKIT: Man is standing alone in the middle of nowhere when a Vegan Police car pulls up and the Vegan Cop walks up to him)
Cop: “Vegan police, you’re going to have to stop calling yourself vegan”
Man: “Uh why, I don’t consume animal products though”
Cop “Um that’s the dictionary definition which is wrong. Us real vegans feel it doesn’t accurately represent us so we changed the definition. Basically we decided being vegan is a “way of living” now. The full definition is a paragraph. Notice the new terms and conditions.”
Man: “What? But you have no authority to change the definition…”
Cop: “Hmm you also don’t appear to be promoting veganism either, not even a “Go Vegan” badge or anything. Hmm pity. Yeah that’s going to be another violation. Oh and we also require all vegans to be environmentalists too now. Yeah so if you want to stay a member of our cult- I mean club, you’re going to start living by our new rules…Yeeah….Yeaaaah…”
Man “Fuck it I’m going to start eating meat”
What I don’t think vegans who go around protesting and getting mad at everything realize is even if they miraculously shut down all factory farms overnight, they would actually just make everything worse. All you’d accomplish is pissing off every meat eater and making them crave meat even more. The reality is until the majority of people’s desire to eat animals changes, nothing else will.
Supply and demand. Ultimately that’s what it all comes down to. You can protest all you want, but as long as there’s a demand there will be a supply. And you can’t tell people what to demand, they have to demand it themselves. However if you just allow people to see for themselves in a non-preachy way the negative effects animal products have on our health, the environment, and the cruelty…a lot of people will decide to stop eating animal products because they want to, not because you told them to.
Still, no matter how much it benefits people to cut out animal products, not everyone will listen. The reality is when people are taught something is normal their entire lives, no matter how destructive it is, some will never see it as anything but normal. I’m sure if we lived in an alternate reality where humans only drank human breast milk, everyone would just accept that instead. And if someone tried drinking the breast milk of another creature, everyone would laugh and think they’re some kind of freak. And by the way, how convenient would that be?
(SKIT: Man is eating cereal when he runs out of milk and yells, “Ah shit I’m out of milk. Honey I need a squeeze!” and his wife comes running).
Even if you aren’t being an annoying or pretentious vegan, the second you mention the word “vegan” you will immediately lose most people. Even if someone asks why you aren’t eating food they offer and you say it’s because you’re vegan, they’ll likely just remember you as a vegan who can’t shut up about being vegan. The truth is some people will see you as annoying no matter what because everything that word represents is an attack to their belief system.
So you have to learn when to pick your battles. There will always people who will never feel empathy to other animals just as there will always be people who will never feel empathy for other humans. The fact is a lot of humans are just assholes. In fact I’m sure a lot of animals are assholes too. Which is why I find it crazy when anyone says they love animals. Do you realize how many fucking animals there are? It’s easy to love something when you can’t hear it speak, but imagine if you could. Who knows, maybe your dog thinks you’re a dumb bitch, or maybe your cat hates Mexicans. I don’t know, I don’t care. I don’t love animals. But since when did you have to love something to not want to eat it? I just respect other life enough to think they should have the right to live, but I guess call that a controversial belief.
Now there’s probably meat eaters watching this thinking “yeah fuck vegans” and typing comments like “Mmm bacon” and “Plants have feelings too” as if they really feel no difference between snapping the neck of a cow and snapping a flower in half. Well I’m pretty sure those meat eaters who are in your face about eating meat are the exact same type of people who are in your face about being vegan. You know, those loud obnoxious people desperate to belong to a group. The difference is one of those groups is trying to speak on behalf of billions of animals, and the other group is trying to speak on behalf of their taste buds.
Look if you’re an annoying vegan I get where you’re coming from. Even though I had been vegetarian my whole life, in 2011 when I stopped consuming all animal products after I learning what factory farms it completely shattered my entire perspective of the world. It kills you at first, it fills you with anger and emotion and you feel like you have to do something. And it’s easy to let that emotion control you, which is why I think a lot of newer vegans tend to be the most annoying of all.
But rather than let that emotion control me, I tried to think of the bigger picture and decided the best way I could change how people look at animals would be to make a viral video. So over a period of three years I dedicated time, writing and writing and working on this video until finally I was convinced it could reach millions of people and change how they look at animals in perspective to our world. Now that was my video “The Lie We Live” which I released in 2015 and it went on to receive tens of millions of views and over the years there’s been tons of comments of people saying they went vegan or vegetarian after watching it. Yet I never once mentioned the word vegan or vegetarian or told people not to eat animals. Now I wrote that video mostly when I was 19 and 20 and I’m almost 25 now so my perspective has changed a lot and that video kind of makes me cringe now, so its not the best example. But the reason I bring it up is because it shows your message can be a lot more effective and reach a lot more people if you aren’t preachy and you can explain your thoughts without the negative connotations behind the word “vegan”.
I’m sure some vegans will watch this video and they’ll think I just don’t care. And that couldn’t be further from the truth because this is the only issue in the world that I will always care about. Because humans can fuck each other over as much as they want, I can live with that. But when humans start fucking over billions of innocent creatures who don’t have a voice or say as we force them to breed and die over and over because we like the taste? That I can’t live with.
Now don’t think the reason I’m making this video is because I think people shouldn’t call themselves vegan or use their voice. Because that’s not it at all. The only way this is ever change is if we use our voice since animals don’t have one. However just know, just because you give someone a voice doesn’t mean you’re helping because the truth is not all voices are good. Some are just annoying as shit.
– Written by Spencer Cathcart